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托福之独立写作解析

  • 来源:朗阁教育
  • 17-11-13
  • 编辑:朗阁小编

本文主要是以TPO41的独立写作为例来分析学生习作中的存在的问题,以此来梳理今昔对比类题的审题及主题句的写法,同时提供相关练习的主要写作思路。

从2017年托福独立写作的考试趋势可以看出,本年度的主要题型是以三选一为主,间杂着其它题型,比如今昔对比类。本文主要是以TPO41的独立写作为例来分析学生习作中的存在的问题,以此来梳理今昔对比类题的审题及主题句的写法,同时提供相关练习的主要写作思路。

 

一、习作问题及策略

以下是TPO41独立写作的题目内容:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they are today.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

以下是学生习作的开头段:

Recent years, due to the quickly developing of the technology and science, the internet has entered into most of the civilians' daily lives. People can search everything by surfing on the internet which means they can study by themselves online without any teacher's helping. But in the past, the only way that human beings could get knowledge was taught by the teachers. So some human beings consider that  the instructors were appreciated and valued by society in the (没有比较级)past than they were nowadays. (上一句和下一句是因果吗?)While,(用法错误)I disagree with this point. In fact, I think teachers are necessary in today, too. There are 3 reasons can be listed as follows:(?)

 

该段落先呈现了科技(网络)给现代人带来了学习方式的改变,即体现出老师在现代的学习中不重要,然后通过转折谈到过去只有通过老师人们才能学习知识,即体现出在过去的学习中老师很重要,因此有些人认为与现在相比,过去的社会更尊重老师。显然,转折前的重心在于现在科技对学习方式的影响,即现在科技替代了老师,没有体现出社会对老师的态度,所以扣题不紧密;转折后在内部逻辑上没有与上面形成对比,导致文章内容的不连贯,同时也得不出结论与现在相比,过去的社会更重视老师。

出现该问题的主要原因在于审题时对关键词的理解不准确,没有形成相关的语义场。

 

(1)审题---关键词---语义场---联想

Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they are today.

题目中的关键词是指名词、实义动词、修饰限定词、 表示时间、地点、方式等有实际意义的词汇,在该题目中的关键词有teachers, appreciated, valued, society, in the past, today, 然后以关键词(多数情况下是名词)为基础展开联想。例:

 

 

按照此方法我们可以对society进行相关的联想,可能会想到家庭、社区、公司、学校,那么在这些地方有什么人呢?家庭---父母/孩子/妻子/丈夫/other relatives, 社区---叔叔阿姨朋友,公司---同事客户领导,学校---老师学生校长主任。这里的分析主要是回答的who/whom的问题。

接下来是这些人做了什么呢?即回答what的问题。在该题中实义动词是 appreciate, value---欣赏,重视,由此得出题目的意思是与现在相比,过去社会更重视老师。通过这里的分析我们可以问以下两个问题:

1. 与现在相比,以前的社会对老师是什么态度呢?态度主要表现在哪些方面呢?角度:个人,家庭,社区,政府等越来越重视教育。

2. 与现在相比,以前老师的地位有什么不同吗?地位主要表现哪些方面呢?角度:工资,项目资金,机会(环境)等等。

这两个问题分别从社会和老师的角度来解决why的问题,即可以从经济、教育、科技、环境等方面构思出主体段的理由。

 

(2)文章结构---比较对比结构

由题目可知,该文章的段落结构主要采用比较对比结构。以下是学生习作的分析。

First of all, teachers can choice (can+V-原)the knowledge which it is more suitable for their students. It is unlikable for computer to do it. For instance, there are lots of math knowledge, such as the calculus and the addition. Obviously, the calculus is more difficult than the addition and it is unsuitable for primary students. If the kids study on the internet by themselves, they don't know which one they should learn. The computer will just show the formulas for them,instead of telling them which one is more available for them to study. Oppositely, the real teachers will make a decision that teach the primary students the addition and teach the college students the calculus. So the teachers are necessary in today's life.

该段落可以看出学生虽然用了比较对比的结构,但是直接跑题,本段落讲述了老师可以选择适合学生的知识,同时和计算机做了比较,隐含的逻辑是老师和电脑能够进行比较。虽然段落用了总分总,但是最后总结现在生活中需要老师,不支持该段落的主题句,同时有很多的语法错误。因此,为了保证学生扣题,所以可以采用以下几种方式:

(1) 套用句式The reason why+改写题目 is that+ 句子/理由

(2) 将题目关键词改写成简单句+because……

(3) 将题目中的关键动词改为 doing的形式或者其同义词填写在主题句的主语部分,宾语是理由;

(4) 将上面doing句式中的关键词找同义词替换

(5) 将以上几种方法融合, 例:

(1)Teachers today are more valued than they were in the pastbecause people attach great importance to education where teachers play an increasingly important role.

(2)The reason why teachers today are more valued than they were in the past is that people attach great importance to education where teachers play an increasingly important role.

(3)Compared to the past, appreciating and valuing teachers in present societyprovides themselves an opportunity to improve their teaching skills.

(4)In contrast to the past, admiring and respecting teachers nowadays provides themselves an opportunity to improve their teaching skills.

(5) In contrast to the past, the reason why the present society admire and respect instructors more is that people attach an increasing importance to education in which teachers play a pivotal role.

 

二.练习

Nowadays it is easier to maintain good health than it was in the past.

角度:意识、饮食、运动

TS: The reason why tin the past it was difficult to keep goog health than it is today is that medical apparatus are more likely to be provided today.

It is easier for parents to raise children nowadays than it was twenty years ago.

角度:教育、经济、科技、环境

TS: In contrast to the past, bringing up children today is easier due to the various educational resources available with ease.

 

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