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[托福培训]托福写作你得这么做!

来源:朗阁教育17-01-22编辑:朗阁小编0人看过

下面朗阁小编就向各位宝宝们展示下什么叫做一篇投入心血的精心批改。

写作必备:

 

1.教师指导写作技巧

 

2.不断实践技巧

 

3.教师指点修改

 

技巧

 

1.学会快速审题-根据题干,判断题型,决定解题方式.

 

2.学会快速展开文章结构-具体包括开头段,论点,让步段,结尾段的具体展开技巧和语言点.

 

3.学会多样化展开中间段部分-学会写例子,细节,重逻辑串联,忌细节堆砌.

 

修改

 

写作,除了以上所提到的掌握技巧意外,另外需要的是各位宝宝们的不断践行;对于基础一般的同学一开始的过程会被骂的狗血淋头,因为文章惨不忍睹;等作文能够稳定24分左右以后;你所需要做的事情就是将那些写的已经能看的作文,通过教师指导修改成一篇真正的文章,最后一步嘛;当然就是背背背啦!这可比漫无目的的去背诵各式各样的范文提升的要快的多;因为你所背诵的文章思路是你自己的,大部分的语言组织也是你自己的。

 

下面朗阁小编就向各位宝宝们展示下什么叫做一篇投入心血的精心批改,

 

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  Environmental issues can be solved or improved in the future. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

 

文章优势:观点鲜明,结构明确,有例子和细节,语言表达尚可

 

需要改进的地方: 1.小语法错误 2.语言表达比较啰嗦 3.逻辑上很多地方不准确 4.致命伤:中间段2论点不切题, 段落内的论证逻辑不清晰。

 

这篇文章企图从两个角度论证环境会变好:

 

1.现在全球政府已经意识到,且开始行动- 段主体段逻辑没有问题

 

2.普通人的意识也正在逐渐养成。- 第二段主题段论点不扣题- 不应该表达:提出环境保护意识是有效的措施。而应该表达为: 跟过去比起来,现在的人们已经养成了保护环境的意识。 言下之意,就是现在和将来的人们会主动的去保护环境。

 

Some people consider that environmental problems can be more awful in the future for they believe that the more advent technology, the more pollution will come out(想表达科技越先进,污染问题越多 应该改为, the more advanced the technology is, the more environmental problems would pop up).(建议整个句子修改为:In today’s society, many people consider the environment problems could be more awful in the future for the advent of more technological products like the automobile would lead to more serious environmental contamination) However, I believe that environment will be better tomorrow because the every country of the world have been going to take action to face the circumstance issues and human have recognized the importance of protecting surroundings as time goes on(去掉the, 谓语动词三单,介词of改为the 时态改为完成式即可——- because every country in the world has prepared to take action to resolve environmental issue and the public has already recognized the importance of environmental conservation as time goes by ).

 

To begin with, environmental issues have become a major matter of concern for a number of countries. (添加过渡性短语- In this way,) This fact has led them to come up with many measures to solve the environmental problems(去掉后面的the 即 solve environmental problems). For instance, The United Nations Climate Change conference which about 192 countries attended was held in 2009, it aimed to discuss and put forward acts to cope with climatic change problems(个专有名词后面从句改为:The United Nations Climate Change conference attended by 192 countries was held in 2009 with the collective goal, that is, coping with the issue of climate change). There is no doubt that(少用套句,改为: Undoubtedly,) it has good impact on the tendency of changing climate on the Earth(这句话语言表达和上一句有重复且时态表达有问题 改为: the conference was a good start symbolizing the cooperation of the whole world to address environmental issue). And this is a know as‘ save the human last chance ’of the meeting(不要另起一句,直接and并列句 即改为: … and it was known as a meeting of last chance to salvage human beings). Furthermore, more and more solar cars are produced, which are made to save energy to protect environment(furthermore表示递进or并列此处逻辑上不是很强, 改为:as a consequence, the number of solar vehicles has experienced a dramatic increase. ). In a word, all of the actions are in order to prevent our Earth from destroying( in order to如此用绝对的中式英文,且总结的句子表达出来的意思并不能帮忙总结这个段落,应该与论点呼应,表达出的大致意义应该是:因此可以看出,全球已经意识到环境问题,且政府以及采取了很多行动, 与下一段形成呼应 下一段应该以“普通人也养成了保护环境得意时”。 所以应该改成: In a word, governments throughout the world have reached an agreement to protect the environment and taken immediate effective and potent measures to avert continual environmental deterioration).

 

In addition, raising environmental awareness can be an effective method to prevent and control pollution(论点扣题,应该改为:  In addition, current individuals have already cultivated the awareness of environmental preservation and contributed a lot to environmental protection). In contemporary society (in the …), many more people are concern about the environmental situation (are concerned about/ current environmental situation) . Another example of Beijing, which used to be an auto-dependent city, Shrouded by smothering smog for years, residents in Beijing have totally realized the severe consequences brought by heavy smog and are fully motivated to reduce the number of private cars, burn clean fuels and lead a low-carbon life (句子主干结构应该是:北京被雾霾笼罩很多年,因此北京人知道了后果,开始被激励去减少适用私家车,燃烧干净能源,过低碳生活。 首先逻辑上:这句话的中文实际就不是很扣论点,应该改为,北京人意识到雾霾的后果,开始养成了后续的这些习惯。 其次语言上: 北京被雾霾笼罩缺乏谓语。 建议整句话改为;Since citizens in Beijing shrouded by smothering smog for years realize the severe consequences of environmental pollution, they have gradually developed the habit of reducing the frequency of driving private cars, burning clean fuels and leading a low-carbon life). Therefore, government are required to offer more courses, videos and reports useful for raising public awareness on environmental protection in order to create a pleasant ecological environment with cleaner air(这句话的逻辑不通, 作者观点环境未来会变好, 这段的论证思路是; 普通人意识到保护环境-例子;北京人受到雾霾影响,因此改变了习惯。 接下来不应该说因此, 政府需要去提供更多课。 作者应该这样去表达, 与此同时,现在的政府也会去做一些事情去加强人们的意识。所以这句应该改为: Meanwhile, the government also endeavors to strengthen people’s awareness of environmental protection by offering more public courses and related educational TV programs to create a favorable ecological environment). The example shows that our environmental circumstances will gradually get better(总结句依然不扣题,应该改为,因此可以看出,现在普通人的行为已经发生了改变,他们的环保意识有利于将来环境质量的提升。所以表达为: Apparently, the behavior of common people has been changed and their strong consciousness of environmental protection is beneficial to the improvement of future environmental quality).

 

All in all, our environment will get better tomorrow. I feel hopeful that many more countries is going to take steps to face the environmental problems and more and more people have consciousness on the environmental protection. (小语法错误,另外句子不够精炼,谓语动词三单,is-are。 整句建议改为; the efforts made by both the worldwide governments and ordinary individuals can explain why I am convinced that environment in the near future will be improved. )

 

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